The first few weeks I went to my PLC I was sooooo embarrassed. Lotterying seemed such a foolish thing. I could not bear the thought that someone I knew would see me doing such a wasteful thing. Wasting money on the lottery was something close to shameful. In my puritanical mind, it was as bad as being seen going into a wine shop.
I would roll the number-choosing form and my three one-dollar bills into a tight little ball that would fit in the palm of my hand. Nobody would be able to see what I carried. I remember driving around and around the block until the parking lot was empty. I remember waiting until after dark.
To be honest, only once did I wait until after dark. It was creepy to be there that late. After that I decided to buck up and stop being stupid scared. And to stop being stupid embarrassed. If I was going to do this Lotteryist thing, then I was going to do it and if someone I know saw me, so be it.
Now I think nothing of it. Saturday: pick up the trash in my street, take stuff to recycling, buy my lottery ticket. It’s just another Saturday chore. It is now a comfortable habit. I have even gotten to the point where I will tell people about it.
Just a note, I do realize this blog is public and has always been public. From the very first post I was inviting you to share my experiences. But blog posts are not the same as talking face to face. There is an element of hiding with a blog. I cannot see you. I cannot see your reactions. I cannot see you judging me. I cannot see you laughing with, or at, me.
But you know what, I don’t really care that anyone knows I am lotterying. I have come to the place where I enjoy it. I have come to the place where I am amused by my previous embarrassment.
That’s how it is with “lowering standards”. At first it is uncomfortable, even unpleasant. Then we get accustomed to the new normal. Then we have trouble remembering why the standard was there to begin with. That’s when it is too easy to let it lower too far.
If I went from a standard of doing nothing even close to gambling to a standard of spending every free moment at a casino, I would have lowered my new standard too far.
I have a relative who would make a box of See’s candy last a month because her standard was one piece of candy a day. She told me she was afraid if she didn’t stick to that standard she would eat the whole box in one sitting.
Let me note, See’s candy has no preservative so even keeping it in the refrigerator, it would be stale in a month. That’s a terrible waste of See’s candy.
My point is lowing standards can take any form and we must give careful thought to why we have standards in the first place and the healthiest way of managing them.
From an anti-gambling fuddy duddy to compulsive gambler is a not an inevitable progression. But it is a possible progression. It could happen if I don’t watch out.
I am going to be watchful of my new ‘lower’ standard. Embarrassment is gone. However, I am going to take care compulsion never arrives.
As St. Paul said all those thousands of years ago – moderation in all things. Even when lowering standards. Especially when lowering standards.