So, a few weeks ago one Powerball ticket won over $799 million! One ticket! One person won all that money!
Is anyone surprised it wasn’t me?
To be true, it was a Monday draw and I only do the Saturday draw. Even so, it bugged me that the power number was MY power number. In all these weeks, my power number has never come up on the Saturday draw. But it did for this big winner on a Monday. That ticket won with MY number! In fact, two of my numbers came up. That has never happened either.
I must admit, jealousy crept into my petty little soul. That jealousy surprised me. I started this whole thing as an experiment; it could even be said as a lark. Winning would be really nice – really really nice – but it has been more to learn about the process and the writing. Winning BIG MONEY, for all the lists I have made, has been, to use a French term, lagniappe – a nice extra, the second dollop of whipped cream on the pumpkin pie, the Christmas bonus. It has never been the be all and end all of my lotterying.
As I was growing up we were taught to be happy for other people’s happiness. When one child had a birthday, we others did not get gifts so we wouldn’t feel left out. It was that child’s special day and we rejoiced in their specialness. We were taught that one person’s blessing did not require blessings for the rest of us. It has been one of the joys of my life that I could be freely happy for other’s good fortune without feelings of resentment.
So it surprised me that I had to deal with 799 million resentments. I have not been freely happy for this person. I want some of what they now have. This is not like me. This has never been my reaction to other’s good fortune. But here I am, jealous and resentful.
I do not like the petty person who stares at me in the mirror. How did I get to this place? Have I been thinking too much about how I would use the money? Have I slipped into thinking that because I would use the money for such a good, unselfish reasons the fates would favor me?
Let me be honest, I’m not talking about the fates favoring me; I talking about God favoring me. Have I fallen into the trap of thinking I can bribe God into doing good things for me because I have earned good things by doing and thinking good things?
What am I going to do with this petty person I didn’t know I was? Don’t have a clue.
But I am going to pray for the person with that BIG WIN ticket. Unless they are a truly amazing person, their life is going to change in great and profound ways. In spite of my 799 million resentments, I am going to do my best to pray that their 799 million changes are all for the good.